Oh, Santa,
Johnny want’s
to know …
S
anta Claus is a big part of the
Christmas tradition for many
families, bringing festive magic
to kids and a trip down mem-
ory lane for adults. But Santa can also
cause a lot of guilt and worry for some
parents. Some people may wonder if
it’s really okay to lie to their kids about
Santa Claus. How and when is a good
time to let them know he’s not real?
Like any debate, there are pros and
cons to the Santa myth. People who
encourage belief in Santa do it for
the joy and wonder it inspires. The
excitement of leaving out cookies and
milk, waking up early to open presents,
and perhaps even getting a letter back
from the jolly man in red, are all special
ways the family can connect and cherish
the holidays. Parents get a chance to
recreate the wonderful Christmases they
had as kids. Or if their Christmases
weren’t so great growing up, it’s a
chance to do it better.
Parents who are against telling
their kids about Santa claim that it
will break their trust and they might
resent their parents’ deception. Another
concern is that encouraging the belief
in Santa Claus might make it difficult
for children to distinguish between
fantasy and reality.
Whether you’re for Santa or against
him, evidence shows that kids really
aren’t harmed eith er way. Research
suggests that the ability to separate fact
and fiction starts early in childhood.
Kids are constantly taking stock of what
others around them believe and they use
their reasoning skills to decide whether
those beliefs have merit. Having them
believe in Santa won’t shatter those
budding cognitive abilities. In fact,
62
kids with rich fantasy lives might actually be
better at identifying the boundaries between
fantasy and reality.
Children naturally start to question if
Santa is real in early adolescence. They may
have heard conflicting opinions from older
children at home or at school, or maybe
they figured it out for themselves. Still, they
may turn to you for a definite answer and
how you choose to respond goes a long way
to making the transition an easy one.
First, think carefully about what your
child is really asking. Some kids want
the whole, unrefined truth, while others
might suspect that Santa’s not real but want
reassurance that they can pretend a while
longer. An easy way to gauge this is to ask,
“Do you think he’s real?”, and let them share
their thoughts. You might be surprised to
learn that they’ve known for a while and
they’ve been playing along with you!
If your child is the analytical type and
loves mysteries, you can have her gather
evidence both for and against the Santa
case and present her findings to you. She’s
bound to notice discrepancies, like how
there are Santas at every mall or how one
man can’t realistically fly to every house in
one night (or eat all those cookies!). She’ll
be honing her critical thinking skills while
she does a little sleuthing. When she figures
it out, congratulate her and present her with
a special gift, such as a bag of her favorite
candies. In this way, discovering that Santa
isn’t real will be less of a disappointment
and more of a rite of passage. She’ll be
taking a big step towards a new stage
of maturity.
If, after you tell your child Santa isn’t
real, he becomes upset that you lied to
him, acknowledge and empathize with his
disappointment. It may be tempting to
backtrack and say anything to brighten his
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2016
mood, but ultimately it’s better to stick
with the newly-revealed truth. Accepting
his bad feelings, instead of trying to talk
him out of them, sends the message that
you love him and value his feelings and
that you are there for him. You can share
with him that the modern-day story of
Santa Claus is based on the life of the real
person, St. Nicholas of Myra, and that
including him in your Christmas tradition
is a way to remind us all to be good and
giving. Explain that your intentions were
never to hurt him, but to give him joy
and excitement. Even if your child doesn’t
respond positively right away, eventually
he’ll come to appreciate that you were
honest with him.
Just because your children find out
that Santa isn’t real doesn’t mean the
magic of Christmas is lost. Let your older
kids take the reigns as Santa and have
them pick out gifts to give to the younger
kids in the family. They can stay up with
you and help put presents under the tree,
or even play Santa for needy families
by participating in a toy or food drive.
They might find that they have more fun
playing Santa than they did believing
in him!
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