The Supermom Trap
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Supermom: Mothers who juggle working full time and home life have often eyed that illustrious title.
The truth is, however, that trying to attain this standard is not only unrealistic, it’s detrimental to your
physical and psychological health. It’s time we said goodbye to the supermom ideal and started
embracing new, realistic goals instead.
ew research
shows that
working
mothers who believe that home and
work can be seamlessly juggled are at a
greater risk for depression than mothers
who accept that they can’t do it all. The
idea that you can be the perfect mom,
wife, employee, friend, and everything
else, sets you up for higher stress levels
and feelings of being overwhelmed. It
also leads to massive disappointment
when things don’t go as planned. When
you attempt to be everything to every-
one, it is easy to feel like you’ve failed
everyone. Inevitably, something needs
to give. Working mothers may need
to compromise on some aspects of the
way they approach their career, their
parenting, or both. Rather than striving
for perfection, under-promising and
over-delivering helps alleviate stress.
This way everything you do, by default,
is a guaranteed success.
A great way to keep from being
spread too thin is to set boundaries. Pick
and choose what can be manageably
accomplished and give those things your
all. For everything else, try outsourcing
for help or simply saying no, no matter
how hard that might be. When you step
back, you might be pleasantly surprised
how people step up to help you out.
You’ll learn how much your kids can
do on their own when you allow them
to take on more responsibilities. And,
of course, make sure to get some “you
time.” Moms often spend so much time
taking care of everyone else’s needs that
they forget about their own. Even if
it’s taking an extra five minutes in the
shower, stopping to get a mocha, or
calling to chat with a friend on the way
to work, make sure to squeeze in a few
moments where the focus is on you.
Doing something you enjoy on a regular
basis, no matter how brief it might be,
helps keep your sanity intact and your
stress level down.
Sadly, guilt and motherhood tend
to go hand in hand. Working moms
often feel guilty that they don’t spend
enough time with their kids or that the
house isn’t clean enough or that they’ve
lost their temper too many times. That
guilt might not seem like a big deal, but
it whittles away at your health. Some
moments are going to be harder than
others and you won’t always be proud
of the way you handle them, but beating
yourself up about it doesn’t help any-
one. Instead, cut yourself some slack.
Forgive yourself for the times you didn’t
meet those high standards and remind
yourself that you’re doing the best you
can. Chances are your children aren’t
judging you nearly as harshly as you’re
judging yourself. They’re still going to
recognize you as their mother and love
you, regardless of if you have to work
full time or if you lose your patience.
The façade of being a supermom is
often just as harmful as trying to be a
supermom. Even the most perfect moms
with the most well-behaved children
have difficulties. The reason you might
not know about them is that it is often
perceived as a weakness to admit you’re
struggling. Worse still is the judgment
moms have for mothers with different
parenting methods. The truth is, every
mother who strives to nurture and
provide for her children, to give them
unconditional love and support, is
already super. Rather than isolating our-
selves behind the façade of perfection,
it’s better to be open about our not-so-
proud moments. Moms can learn a lot
more from each other if they keep an
open mind and respect the different
ways they parent and the different
challenges they face. A working mom
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
JULY/AUGUST 2017
might have insights that could help a
stay-at-home mom, and vice versa.
While the supermom ideal appears
glamorous, the truth is it isn’t nearly as
interesting as the real mom who isn’t
afraid to make mistakes and learn from
them. The more time you spend trying
to make everything perfect, the less you
see the little wonders that are already in
front of you. Your children aren’t going
to remember how many activities you
were able to juggle, how clean the house
was, or any of the other things on your
mental to-do list. What they’ll remember
are the special times they spent with
you. So the next time you feel the urge
to be “super,” push the thought aside
and try to enjoy the moment with your
kids as best you can.
Sources:
Insinger, Jackie, Moms Must Let Go of the
Supermom Mentality and Embrace Each Day,
ExpertBeacon,
Rochman, Bonnie, Working Women Who Try to
Be Supermom May Be More Depressed, Time
Being Supermom Stressing You Out?, American
Psychological Association
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