the RELATIONSHIP dance
Make the Holidays Joyful!
A
re you feeling overwhelmed
yet? It can be so stressful when
we have expectations for that
Hallmark experience. It’s likely that
you don’t actually enjoy the moments
because you’re fl ooded with too many
expectations!
What can you do to make your
holiday season more joyful?
1
Figure out what’s actually im-
portant to you and your family
and simplify.
Ask yourself and your family what parts
of your traditions are important. Is it
a particular food? A gathering or party
that you share with others? Driving
around in your jammies looking at
Christmas lights? Attending a service to
honor your faith? You might be sur-
prised by the things that are and aren’t
important. Schedule those things on
your calendar early so you can cover the
important things.
You may need to edit which holiday
parties you go to. It’s easy to get fraz-
zled when you hustle from one activity
to the next. Kids especially don’t notice
that they’ve become over tired and start
to have meltdowns. It’s up to the adults
to manage the social calendar to some-
thing reasonable.
Some things are traditions that have
lost their appeal. Whether it’s cutting
down your Christmas tree, holiday
baking or exchanging gifts in some
circles, it’s really ok to decide to make
a change.
There may be things you’ve done
out of obligation rather than because
it’s something you value. I know, easier
said than done, but start thinking about
Vicki Minerva
Vicki Minerva has lived and worked in the South
County area as a Marriage and Family Therapist
for over 35 years. Her education includes a M.Div.
degree from Fuller Seminary and a M.A.
what the obligation is about and what
you WANT to do about it. Even if
you’re not ready to ruffle feathers this
year, start to consider what works for
you and your family and brainstorm
how you want to handle it next year.
For example, young families travel-
ing to multiple Christmas celebrations
might make a decision to stay home
and have an open house for others to
come to them or ask for alternate dates
to gather (not on THE day) to enjoy a
less harried holiday next year. Be open
if others are trying to do the same.
Don’t take it personally. Get creative to
make everyone’s lives easier. Check your supplies (wrapping
paper, baking items, postage stamps,
etc.) and make a shopping list so you
can purchase gradually and have them
when you need them. If you’re enter-
taining, think about what you want to
serve and plan on things you can make
ahead.
By starting early (maybe let those
annoying holiday displays in September
prompt your thought process) you
can ease the time, energy and financial
strain before the holidays come.
2 The truth is we live in an affl uent
country with more bells and whistles
than the majority of the world. You’d
think it would make us happier, but it
doesn’t. Spending more, doing more,
expecting more can actually feed the
feelings of discontent because you’re
just chasing your tail. Let go of the need
for perfection. Happiness isn’t some-
thing that you arrive at. It’s something
you fi nd along the way. Focus on
relationships and spend your time and
energy wisely.
Be mindful. That’s a way of saying
notice and pay attention to things in
the moment. There are many delights
you’ll miss, many moments you’ll run
through, and simple gifts you won’t
recognize if you don’t slow down and
appreciate what you have. Sincere
gratitude can create the perspective that
truly brings joy. It’s never too late for a
change in attitude.
Get organized.
There’s a blogger who imagines
that she’s going on a cruise for 3
weeks on December 1 st. Her intention
is to have most of her holiday prepara-
tions done by then. I don’t aspire to
that, but I appreciate the mindset that
tries to get a jumpstart on some of the
things that can be done ahead.
If you have children, start to think
about toys, games, clothes that they no
longer use which can be donated. It
always feels good to de-clutter so there
is more room and less chaos when new
items come into the house. You can get
rid of some of your no longer useful
items while you’re at it.
Make a list of the people you’ll
be gifting. Listen, or ask, for things
they want as gifts. Strategize from
that list what you can afford. If you’ve
started early you can watch for sales or
distribute purchases over time. That way
you’re not stressing out in December
because you can’t afford more, or are in
debt because you overdid it.
3
Focus on gratitude,
enough is enough.
You can start now!
My goal is to provide you with some information and help you access tools that will help you live your life and manage your relationships in healthier ways.
This information is not a substitute for personal counseling and should not be taken out of context. There are many reputable therapists in the South County area should you need additional help.
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
december 2018-january 2019
gmhtoday.com
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