In my conversations with folks about how they define resilience , I am consistently humbled and inspired by what they say .
From stories of deep pain or loss to stories of bravery and survival , there is a commonality in the human spirit and its desire to rise above . Sometimes this rising comes easily , other times it takes grit . In the face of adversity and challenges , it ' s easy to feel overwhelmed and defeated . Life can throw unexpected curveballs that can leave us feeling lost and unsure of what to do next . However , finding ways to tap into our resiliency and choose grit can help us to persevere , sometimes even thrive , through tough times . Resiliency is defined as the capacity to adapt to stress and adversity , while grit refers to the passion and perseverance to achieve goals . These traits can promote personal growth and success and can be developed and honed over time .
Choosing Grit
When I first met Aliza Carpio we were talking about the best microphones and software for podcast recording as she had a lot of experience in hosting podcasts as a Tech Evangelist and product manager in Silicon Valley . We connected quickly and I was immediately inspired by the way that she talked about her work and working with others . She talked about humanizing the work of engineers and creating tech cultures where people come to work feeling like they are doing the best work of their lives . Honestly , I felt like I was talking to one of my social worker friends and not an engineer with multiple awards and patents under her belt . I was intrigued and knew I wanted to learn more about who she was and how she led .
What I learned about Aliza is that she has experienced quite a bit of adversity . First , as a woman of color in the world . Then , as a woman of color in tech . She is a three-time cancer survivor and lost both of her parents within a short period of time at the beginning of the pandemic . She has come through all of this — and I trust all that will come — with faith in the good intention of others and genuine gratitude for the lessons that the struggles have taught her .
Aliza taught me that we can choose to let challenges get the best of us , or we can choose grit . Grit is the humblest way . Grit is a quiet strength . It is choosing to have courage and resolve and to pull strength from our character and from the lessons of our elders . It ’ s choosing to listen . Aliza described the most beautiful analogy that her therapist had once shared with her . It describes our struggles as wind chimes . If we try to go around or avoid them then we miss the music . It is only by walking through the struggle and listening that we will hear the beautiful music within it .
So how do we choose grit and walk through the wind chimes ? Well , it certainly isn ’ t always easy . But if we can first acknowledge that something is hard , or hurts , or is disappointing , we give it space . Then , if we can accept our feelings and allow time to feel them fully , we give ourselves grace . And as we move through the difficulty — the wind chimes — and we pause and we breath and we listen , we afford ourselves the opportunity to hear the music .
When I first shared this story , one of my dear friends bought a group of us matching wind chimes to remind us of this lesson . Having it in my backyard reminds me often of this lesson , because in the strongest of storms , it plays the most beautiful music .
Melissa Santos is a Sr . Director at Community Solutions , a behavioral health organization serving Santa Clara County where she leads their CS Learning Training Institute . Her Pathways to Resilience podcast brings learnings and conversations about trauma , wellness , and resilience to the community . Listen in on Apple , Google , and Spotify , and learn more at : www . CommunitySolutions . org
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